i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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