Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
