508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Randomize
