its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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