I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
