put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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