you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
