Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
