I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize