Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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