Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
