So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
