So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
