what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
