We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
