Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
