No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
