I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
