i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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