Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize