i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
