I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
