Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
