you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
