You smell like stripper and shame
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
