Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
