i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
