got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
