I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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