Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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