Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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