I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
