you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
