i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
