I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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