I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize