So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
