because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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