i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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