If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
