fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize