would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
