so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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