I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
