We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
