I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm experimenting with sincerity
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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