i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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