Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
