Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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