Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
