i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
