If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
