i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
