I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
