I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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