Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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