I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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