It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
