You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
