Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
