we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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