The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
