she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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