Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
