I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
